I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
