no, he came in my armpit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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