you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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