I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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