Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
