no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
