): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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