is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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