Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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