i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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