Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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