I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
