She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
