I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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