glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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