laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
