you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She said her name was "party"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
