he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
