hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
