Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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