just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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