a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
