I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
