i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize