walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
