i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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