Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
