Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
