I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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