What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
