I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
