I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hippo gnu deer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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