Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
