I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need to stop coming to work sober
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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