is your mom at the bar?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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