i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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