I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
