But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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