Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think my vagina is haunted
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
