Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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