??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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