Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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