Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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