i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize