i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
