why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
