i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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