Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
