on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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