That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
