i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
