your parents love me but you hate me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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