Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
