What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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