I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Come see our sink grown plant.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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