yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize