I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
