I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
