honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
