Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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