I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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