Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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