is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
