Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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