But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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