She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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