I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dick very happy bro
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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