Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
