i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
