I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
