My hand turned me down
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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