so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
