I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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