I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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