Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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