Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
