I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
