covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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