cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
please come you make the beer taste better
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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