is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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